cthulhupeelz:

floatingmemories:

stop romanticizing the idea of becoming so dependent on another human being that you cannot function adequately without their presence goodbye

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sadsk8r:

doctors: why are all your bones broken
me: totally gnarly kick flip
doctors: fucking savage bro

(Source: nicenewt)

shutupaubrey:

i’m skilled in the culinary art of microwaving 

toocooltobehipster:

when you hug your straight friend but he forgets to say no homo

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surprisebitch:

dating tip: ask them to show you their recently used emojis so you can count your matches and see if you are compatible

(Source: surprisebitch)

profiting:

"looking for a tumblr gf ;)"

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j5h:

j5h:

my dick is itchy I think i have herpes

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elevensleeps:

elevensleeps:

my mom says hey

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sleezed:

I really wanna fuck in a pool. Like the possibilities are endless. My god. But it’s like. Our pool. In our backyard you feel me. Boy. Bet I be eating pussy under water. That’s some wavy next level shit. Put on my goggles. And i’m gone. That’d be some shit if i’m eating her and she’s so into it and she feels me stop and is like ” baby ? ” and i’m on the other side of the pool floating dead. I forgot I needed air. Ain’t even come up smh

theokatz:

mater-tenebrarum:

Plot twist: A fat protagonist has a compelling arc and stays fat the whole time, because using weightloss to signify personal growth is fucked up and also lazy writing.

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(Source: lesbian-satan)